On Monday my wife, Debbie, and I celebrated 24 years of honeymoon! When Debbie mentioned this to the concierge of the restaurant where she was booking our table for our celebratory meal, the concierge stopped writing, looked intently at Debs and said, “you don’t see that anymore, do you?”
In a similar way it could be said that you don’t really see true long term faith commitment anymore. In our instant-world, faith comes and goes quickly. Tradition and history and the long road of growth and discipline all seem like a quaint throw back to another era. Now we expect to see “results” in our spirituality quickly and easily - we just need to find “the secret”. But, like a marriage, true worship does not happen in short term thrills and constantly changing relationships. It’s only in the long haul that the depth of real intimacy can be found.
In addition, these years of marriage have taught me a startling lesson: intimacy happens in the daily, mundane, routine of life. Yes, there have been many high moments in the last twenty four years, but they are massively outnumbered by the normal, ordinary, everyday times. Our marriage is not defined so much by the highs as it is by the sorting out of who picks up the kids from school, and of where we will put our money, and of who does which chores around the house. What has made our marriage so fulfilling and exciting is not the out-of-the-ordinary experiences, but learning the daily call to really show up for each other, to choose to be really and fully present, even when we’re tired and hurting, when we’re angry or stressed. It’s about knowing in every moment, whether we’re together or apart, that our values and ideals, our ethics and choices are defined by this other, uniquely important person.
In the same way, worship is not so much about amazing experiences as it is about living a life that is defined by God’s presence and purpose. I’m not against good sound systems, or using multi-media to facilitate worship, but these are not what defines worship. It’s not the goosebumps but the goodness that matters. It’s about the daily choice to live every moment, speak every word, think every thought from the framework of who God is and what God is seeking to do in this world. It’s about giving our lives over to be defined by this Most Important Being who chooses to be fully present to us. When we gather in Church, we are learning to show up, to be fully present to God, and to have our lives reshaped by the values and demands of the Gospel.
Twenty four years of marriage has taken commitment, and a determination to work on this relationship above all else through the little daily actions and awarenesses that keep us connected. The life of faith requires no less commitment, no less determination, and no less attention to the little, transforming rituals that keep us connected to Christ - and the weekly gathering for worship, even when it’s not “amazing”, is one of these.
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John van de Laar is a Methodist minister, liturgical consultant and the author of the book Food for the Road – Life Lesson from the Lord’s Table. He holds a Master’s Degree in theology from UNISA, and is the founder of Sacredise.com, an international worship training and resourcing ministry. John is married to Debbie, and they have two sons.
Visit www.sacredise.com for more articles by John, as well as resources for personal and public worship – music, prayers, liturgies, images and drama scripts.