A Model Of Manhood

It grieves me that it is necessary to have an annual 16 Days of Activism for No Violence Against Women and Children. This year's campaign ended last week, on the 10th of December, but, as Jennifer Thorpe argued in her excellent article on the Mail & Guardian's Thought Leader Blog, we really need to think about "What Happens on Day 17". Enter Joseph in this week's Lectionary reading from Matthew 1:18-25.



Too many men have justified their violence with lame excuses that sound plausible only to themselves and other abusers - "You betrayed me!"; "Why are you looking at that other guy?"; "Why don't you submit to your husband like the Bible says you should?". (It is a source of deep grief for me that the Bible could ever have been allowed to be interpreted in a way that subjugates, dehumanises and abuses women. But, it has been - and in many corners of our globe continues to be - used as a weapon to defend a violent and corrupt patriarchy).



In the narrative of Jesus' death, Joseph could have used all of these excuses and more - and would have been supported and even applauded by his culture and his law. He could have taken the route of "righteous abuse" - of public humiliation of Mary, of public divorce - which, almost certainly, would have left her destitute and homeless, of public execution by stoning. But, he does none of this. He treats her with respect and dignity and compassion - even before the dream which confirmed her unlikely story. He protects her, and looks to her best interest, even at his own expense and reputation. Joseph is the exact opposite of a patriarch. He is anything but an abuser.



In the face of this dramatic and powerful example of gentle, masculine strength, there is no justification for any form of oppression of women by any man who claims the name of Christ. In fact, I would go so far as to say that for anyone to attempt to use the Bible to do even the slightest harm to a woman or a child is not just wrong. It's heresy.



So, for those of us who are men who follow Christ, there is a challenge here. This Christmas, I think it is safe to say (if general statistics are to be believed), women will be doing the bulk of the cooking, cleaning, gift wrapping, shopping and preparing for the family Christmas celebration. Many women will be making huge sacrifices for their children and husbands, while experiencing little if any of the "joy to the world" that this season proclaims. We can change this. If every man simply took the time to share in the work of this season, to take special care of the significant women in their lives, and give the gift of a promise to protect and honour them throughout the year, we would be creating a massive amount of healing. If we refused to laugh at misogynistic jokes, and refused to stay silent in the face of exploitative advertising, dehumanising business practices and soul-stealing abuse, we would be making some of the "peace on earth" a reality for the women among us. May Joseph be a model of manhood for us this Christmas season.

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John van de Laar is a Methodist minister, liturgical consultant and the author of the book Food for the Road – Life Lesson from the Lord’s Table. He holds a Master’s Degree in theology from UNISA, and is the founder of Sacredise.com, an international worship training and resourcing ministry. John is married to Debbie, and they have two sons.

Visit www.sacredise.com for more articles by John, as well as resources for personal and public worship – music, prayers, liturgies, images and drama scripts.

Advent Irony

It’s common, in this Festive Season, to hear people of faith complain about the consumerism, the materialism, the commercialism, and all manner of other “-isms” that abound at this time of year. We long for people to see the real “reason for the season” and to slow down enough to be open to receive the God who comes to us in Advent. Am I the only one who sees the irony here?

I have been part of the Church for pretty much my whole life, and in active ministry for more than half of it. I have served in a number of different capacities, organisations and denominations, and I have been connected with a number more. If there is one thing I have always been amused and challenged by, it’s our capacity to miss the point of our own message – and Advent is no exception.

It is common at this time of year for Churches to pull out all the stops and go to great lengths to create the most vibrant, dramatic and impactful expression of the Christmas story we can. I know this because I’ve been doing it for two decades. But, ironically, even as we point to the simplicity of the Christ Child born in a manger to parents of modest means, we may be tempted to shun all simplicity in the creation of our celebrations. As we praise God for coming to us in unexpected ways, in ordinary places and people, in surprising moments of peace, joy, love and hope, we may easily find ourselves so rushed and busy that we have no time to actually experience the presence of God that we proclaim. As we speak about the importance of following this Christ in ways of love and sacrifice, we may be hard pressed to avoid excess in our end-of-year parties, our gift buying and even in our Christmas services.

Not all of this is bad. It is a good thing to celebrate and to mark significant moments in special ways. It is good to be reminded of the joy of giving gifts and to have opportunities to worship with great creativity. If, however, our celebration leads us to be less mindful of the Child we celebrate, we have no right to protest at the inappropriateness of the celebrations around us.

I’m reminded of a story I once read about a proud couple who invited family and friends to a party to celebrate the baptism of their new baby. The special event happened in the midst of a very cold winter, and as the guests arrived, their coats were thrown on to the bed in the master bedroom while they enjoyed the warmth of the celebration. After some time someone mentioned that the baby, whom they all come to see, was strangely absent. After a few minutes of searching, the parents discovered to their horror that the child was lying under all the coats on the master bed – now dead from suffocation.

The point is clear. Whatever we may be dealing with this Advent, however we may choose to celebrate the coming of the incarnate Christ, let us not get so caught up in our busyness and creativity that the simple reality of God’s presence is lost to us. May our eyes and ears and hearts remain ever open – especially as we worship – to the God who is always available to those who seek.

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John van de Laar is a Methodist minister, liturgical consultant and the author of the book Food for the Road – Life Lesson from the Lord’s Table. He holds a Master’s Degree in theology from UNISA, and is the founder of Sacredise.com, an international worship training and resourcing ministry. John is married to Debbie, and they have two sons.

Visit www.sacredise.com for more articles by John, as well as resources for personal and public worship – music, prayers, liturgies, images and drama scripts.

Removing Our Labels

We live in a label-heavy world. It can sometime feel like everyone is checking to see what car you drive, what clothes you wear, where you shop for your food, and what kind of computer you work on – and should have chosen the wrong label, you are seen as somehow less. But, it gets worse. Once we have chosen our labels, we begin to define ourselves and our relationships by those labels. We associate with people who carry the same tags on their stuff as we do, and we separate ourselves from those who have different tags. We have special clubs for different makes of cars, different clothing stores, and different kinds of technology. We wear our labels like merit badges.

Of course, our labels extend to other parts of our lives as well – and here it can sometimes get very destructive. We label ourselves by our skin colour, our gender, our language, our culture, our nation of birth and our sexuality. And sometimes, as the recent xenophobia in South Africa has shown, our labels lead us to violence.

I wish I could say it was different in the Church – especially when it comes to worship – but it’s not. It’s not so much that there are different denominations or traditions that worries me – no more so than that there are different brands of clothing or cleaning fluids. It’s that we begin to label ourselves by our denominational, theological and stylistic names, and then separate ourselves from one another. We define ourselves as traditional or contemporary, liberal or conservative, charismatic or evangelical, orthodox or reformed, emerging or mainline. And then we look at those who carry different labels and view them as somehow less – less spiritual, less Christ-like, less worshipful, less holy, less honest, less committed. We even bring in some of society’s labels for good measure – pro-choice or pro-life, pro-gay or anti-gay, pro-evolution or pro-creation – and on and on it goes.

But, in this Advent season, a strange thing happens. We read of a coming King who is called the “Prince of Peace”. The forerunner – John the Baptist – invites all people into the water together, and we know that Jesus (with complete disregard for how it might look) will join the masses in getting wet. In this week’s Old Testament reading Isaiah envisions a world where wolves and lambs lie down together, and children play safely with snakes. And the Apostle Paul, describing how both Jews and Gentiles have found a home in God’s Kingdom, encourages us to accept one another as Christ has accepted us.

The biblical word for this kind of world is Shalom. This is more than just the absence of conflict. A shalom world is a world of compassion and justice, of well-being and safety for all, of togetherness and mutual respect, support and care. And it is this Shalom that we celebrate in Advent and Christmas. It is this Shalom that we sing and pray about every Sunday. And if we really believe in Jesus’ message of a Shalom world, then sooner or later we will have to face the truth – it’s time we removed our labels.


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John van de Laar is a Methodist minister, liturgical consultant and the author of the book Food for the Road – Life Lesson from the Lord’s Table. He holds a Master’s Degree in theology from UNISA, and is the founder of Sacredise.com, an international worship training and resourcing ministry. John is married to Debbie, and they have two sons.

Visit www.sacredise.com for more articles by John, as well as resources for personal and public worship – music, prayers, liturgies, images and drama scripts.

Welcoming God

Things are changing. Are you ready?

This week the Church Calendar makes a dramatic shift. Advent will soon be here. The word Advent means simply “arrival”, and this neglected season holds wonderful and transforming gifts, if we will only prepare ourselves to receive them.

Divine Time-Keeping:
The Church Calendar may feel like stuffy, dry tradition to some, but for those who have taken the time to journey mindfully through the year, guided by its rhythms, it offers wonderful treasures: a deepening of faith, a rich connection with the Scriptures and their story of salvation, a transforming encounter with the living Christ.

The rhythm of seasons, festivals, readings and worship patterns that the Calendar provides reminds us that life does not have to be driven only by linear, chronos time (as the Greeks called it) – deadlines, “time-is-money' stress, and racing the clock. In God's reign there is a different kind of time – kairos time – the appointed moment, the significant season, the moment of God's divine purpose. When we allow kairos to invade our obsession with chronos, we discover God at work in surprising places and ways, and we grow more aware of the constant rhythm of God's Spirit at work in our world and our lives. This is what our worship, and the Church Calendar, is meant to do for us. And the first season – Advent – is the best place to start.

The God Who Arrives:
Advent is often seen as simply a preparation time for Christmas, but it is much more than that. Advent leads us into an encounter with the God who arrives – the God who refuses to remain distant and uninvolved, but who steps into our world, and gets up close and personal with us. The journey through Advent is intended to open us to God's coming in every moment, in every circumstance and in every relationship.

Through the readings and ancient pattern of worship, we are reminded that God has come to us – throughout human history, and ultimately in Christ. We are opened to the truth that God is coming to us now – and we are called into worship that opens us to this coming, not just on Sunday, but every day. And, finally, we are encouraged to look ahead to the hope we have in Christ, the promise of God's reign – God will come to us.

In the midst of Christmas preparations, end of year parties and mad shopping sprees, Advent calls us to slow down, to wait for God's coming, and to be ready to receive our God. In the midst of poverty, economic crisis and massive social justice concerns, Advent reminds us that God has not abandoned us, but is at work bringing “good news to the poor”, and justice to the earth. There was never a time when we needed this Gospel message more.

So, let us sing from the longing in our hearts, “O come, O come, Immanuel”, and let us be ready to welcome God whenever and wherever this divine arriving occurs.

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John van de Laar is a Methodist minister, liturgical consultant and the author of the book Food for the Road – Life Lesson from the Lord’s Table. He holds a Master’s Degree in theology from UNISA, and is the founder of Sacredise.com, an international worship training and resourcing ministry. John is married to Debbie, and they have two sons.

Visit www.sacredise.com for more articles by John, as well as resources for personal and public worship – music, prayers, liturgies, images and drama scripts.

Ending the “Worship Wars”

On what basis do you choose where you worship? Do you go to a traditional church out of a love for liturgy and structure? Do you attend a church with a great band and little apparent structure? Or have you chosen not to worship in church at all, finding it better to encounter God in nature or with a group of friends? Whatever we may choose, it’s tempting to believe that what we do is “real” worship, and other forms are somehow missing the point. If you’ve ever felt like this, then you’ve experienced what has come to be known as the “worship wars”.

The “worship wars” have been the source of much pain in the Church – and all from an understanding of worship that takes what is a very small part and makes it everything. What I mean is this: worship operates at three different levels, and we’ve made the least important element the one we focus on the most, argue about the most, and give our best energy to.

The purpose of worship:
As I’ve written many times, the Bible uses sexual language to describe our relationship with God (See 1 Cor.6:16,17 & Eph.5:31,32) The message is clear – worship is about intimacy with God. The purpose of the sexual act is not the act itself, but the experience of intimacy with another person. So, too, the purpose of acts of worship (singing, praying, silence, posture etc.) are not the acts themselves, but the experience of intimacy with God. It is in this intimate encounter with God that we are changed into people who reflect the compassion, grace and love of Christ – as Paul indicates in 2 Cor.3:18.

The practice of worship:
So, how do we facilitate this intimacy in our services? Through the centuries Christians have found certain practices reliable and helpful. These include adoration (praise), confession, thanksgiving, intercession, the sacraments, reading the Scriptures, and creeds. These practices can be “packaged” in a number of ways, and expressed differently, but their essence remains the same. For example, it is possible to offer praise in a song or in silence, in liturgy or spontaneously, through words or through images, but in each case, the practice of praise is essentially the same, and draws us into intimacy with God.

The packaging of worship:
The third part of our worship has to do with the “packaging” of these practices – which, as we often forget, is simply a matter of cultural or stylistic preference. Some prefer to express praise in silent meditation, while others prefer writing a poem in response to a moment of beauty and wonder, or singing to organ accompaniment, or to a band or acapella.

These “packages” are the least important part of our worship. As long as worship leads us to intimacy with God, and embraces all of the practices that enable this to happen, the “packaging” is unimportant. However, when worship becomes all about the packaging then we have settled for less than it can be. Ironically, most worship wars are fought not about the purpose or practices of worship, but about the packaging!

Let's declare a truce in our churches. Let's begin to focus on using the ancient practices to lead us into fulfilling worship's purpose – intimacy with God. And then, let's make space for as many different and creative ways to package our experience as we can.

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John van de Laar is a Methodist minister, liturgical consultant and the author of the book Food for the Road – Life Lesson from the Lord’s Table. He holds a Master’s Degree in theology from UNISA, and is the founder of Sacredise.com, an international worship training and resourcing ministry. John is married to Debbie, and they have two sons.

Visit www.sacredise.com for more articles by John, as well as resources for personal and public worship – music, prayers, liturgies, images and drama scripts.

A Crucial Question

What’s the point of Sunday worship? Why bother to gather with a bunch of people who struggle to live up to what they believe to sing a few songs, mutter a few prayers and listen to someone ramble on for half an hour? These questions are heard all too frequently, both inside and outside of the Church, and almost every Christ follower will ask them – even if only in their own thoughts – at some point in their journey.

It’s because of these questions that some people in the Church have begun to think of worship in new ways. This attempt to re-imagine our practice of devotion is a good thing, but not all of our conclusions are helping us. As I mentioned in my last article, the popular tendency to call worship a ‘lifestyle’ can trap us into a consumerist view of worship. In an attempt to avoid this trap, some Christians have taken to speaking of worship and service as synonymous. Others have emphasized that all we do, think and say should be offered to God as an act of worship. There is a sense in which both of these ideas have value. Our whole lives should, indeed, be devoted to God, and this must mean that we become people who are more sacrificial, serving and compassionate.

However, I have grown increasingly convinced that we lose more than we gain when we start equating worship with other activities. Perhaps I can make the distinction this way – if I am a true worshipper, then everything I do will be done ‘worshipfully’ because my worship will inevitably overflow into every part of my life. But, just because I say that something I am doing is worship, does not make it so, if it does not flow from a faithful and consistent practice of devotion to God. I can serve others worshipfully, but I can equally serve others with no reference to God’s character and purposes at all. I can offer my work to God as a worshipful activity, but I can equally work without any real reference to God’s reign, even as a person of faith. Or to put it another way – worship, truly done, will embrace, include and transform every part of my life, but no one part of my life can be considered to define worship, except for those specific practices that bring me into a living, transforming encounter with God.

The Bible uses sexual language to describe to our relationship with God (See, for example, 1 Cor.6:16,17). This is a helpful way to understand what I’m saying. In my marriage, I try very hard to make everything I do an act of love for my wife. I work hard to provide for my family. I take time to wash dishes, to cook and to help with raising my kids as a way of expressing my love for her. However, none of these are the defining act of intimacy in our relationship. I can do any of these acts for others without her ever being threatened or feeling betrayed. But, the act of physical, sexual union is our private, unique connection – and that can be given to no other. It is our lovemaking that defines and most truly expresses our intimacy, and it is from this deep intimacy that these other acts gain their value as expressions of love.

So it is with worship. Worship is the regularly practice of intimacy with God, from which everything else in my life gains value as expressions of my love for God. Without the act – what I like to think of as the spiritual discipline – of worship, though, these other acts will always struggle to lead me into true, life-transforming intimacy with God. So, service is not worship in and of itself. My work is not worship in and of itself. These things only become worship when they flow from a life that is regularly connected and transformed by the discipline of intimacy with God. This discipline of worship is what Sunday services are intended to be all about, and when we get it right, then our worship truly does define, and empower, the whole of the Church’s life.

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John van de Laar is a Methodist minister, liturgical consultant and the author of the book Food for the Road – Life Lesson from the Lord’s Table. He holds a Master’s Degree in theology from UNISA, and is the founder of Sacredise.com, an international worship training and resourcing ministry. John is married to Debbie, and they have two sons.

Visit www.sacredise.com for more articles by John, as well as resources for personal and public worship – music, prayers, liturgies, images and drama scripts.

A Worship Lifestyle

Some years ago, at the wedding reception of a groom from a well-known rugby-playing family, I watched with amusement as a young man tried to impress a beautiful woman at his table. Leaning toward her, in hushed tones and with great seriousness, he explained that “rugby is not a sport. It's a lifestyle.” It only took a few minutes for this woman to find a reason to excuse herself from the table.

'Lifestyle' is a fashionable word at the moment. We have lifestyle magazines and TV shows, and it seems that we are all expected to choose our particular preference from a range of lifestyle options on offer. Now, in the Church, it has become fashionable to speak of worship as a lifestyle – which, I must confess, makes me a little uncomfortable.

If we are honest, for many of us “worship as a lifestyle” means that we don't just sing in church, but that we also listen to worship CDs in our cars, in our homes, or at work. We don't just pray in church, but we also pray every day, bringing our personal needs and concerns to God in a constant stream. These practices are not bad in themselves, but I'm not convinced that they amount to anything more than pasting a “worship veneer” over our largely unchanged lives.

Worship leader and song writer, Gerrit Gustafson, has told of an encounter with Mother Teresa that changed both his understanding of worship and his life. After giving her a few of his worship CDs as a gift, he asked her what songs the Missionaries of Charity sang in their worship. Mother Teresa gently returned the CDs to him, explaining that she had nothing on which to play them, and then explained that there was little singing in the worship of her order. Finally he asked her what worship meant to her. At this her eyes lit up, and she quoted Jesus' words in Matthew 25 - “[whatever] you did to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me.”

If a worship lifestyle is nothing more than taking the actions and music of Sunday into the rest of the week, it is little different from any other lifestyle choice – fashionable, pleasurable, offering us a sense of identity, but making little difference in the world. If, however, we allow God to transform us through our worship, and if we take, not the music and prayers of worship, but the transformed lives that worship creates, into the world, we cannot help but make a significant impact for good. And the ones who will most benefit from our lived worship are the poor, the weak, the marginalised and the hurting.

So, is it appropriate for us to adopt worship as our lifestyle of choice? If worship – the service and adoration of Jesus – is both the context for our lives (see last week’s article) and the manner in which we live in the world, then it is perhaps the most important lifestyle choice we'll ever make. But, don't expect to see it promoted in any magazines in the near future.

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John van de Laar is a Methodist minister, liturgical consultant and the author of the book Food for the Road – Life Lesson from the Lord’s Table. He holds a Master’s Degree in theology from UNISA, and is the founder of Sacredise.com, an international worship training and resourcing ministry. John is married to Debbie, and they have two sons.
Visit www.sacredise.com for more articles by John, as well as resources for personal and public worship – music, prayers, liturgies, images and drama scripts.